#1 BEST SELLER
Drop the Battle. Win the War that Matters.
Within the pages of this book is a unique opportunity to make choices about your participation in a child custody evaluation. The cast of characters will teach you how to avoid common pitfalls and how to achieve the best outcome. Through this insightful and witty choose-your-own-outcome-style story, I share more than two decades of trade secrets and all the Hints, Hacks, and Hell No’s that will help you win the war that matters.
By the end of the book, you will know how to:
- Protect your child’s emotional health and well-being.
- Acquire resources to manage specific challenges.
- Discern which attorney will hurt or help your efforts.
- Impress the heck out of your evaluator.
- Save your family time and money.
- Keep your sanity and thrive on the other side.
The Choices We Make, Make Us.
Get your excerpt of You Don't Have to Crush Your Ex now!
#1 BEST SELLER
Drop the Battle. Win the War that Matters.
Within the pages of this book is a unique opportunity to make choices about your participation in a child custody evaluation. The cast of characters will teach you how to avoid common pitfalls and how to achieve the best outcome. Through this insightful and witty choose-your-own-outcome-style story, I share more than two decades of trade secrets and all the Hints, Hacks, and Hell No’s that will help you win the war that matters.
By the end of the book, you will know how to:
- Protect your child’s emotional health and well-being.
- Acquire resources to manage specific challenges.
- Discern which attorney will hurt or help your efforts.
- Impress the heck out of your evaluator.
- Save your family time and money.
- Keep your sanity and thrive on the other side.
The Choices We Make, Make Us.
What Readers Are Saying
Kathryn Smith Root, Family Law Attorney
“Lori’s book is a practical, hopeful, helpful read which encourages parents to put aside their anger, resentment, and disappointment and focus on the needs of their children. I encourage everyone to read and heed the positive message delivered by Ms. Bonnevier to parents everywhere – compassion, grace, kindness, and respect drive the best choices.”
Pat Bowman, MSW
“With her characteristic intelligence, compassion, and wit, Ms. Bonnevier has tackled the thorny issues surrounding child custody battles in a totally unique manner. This book should be a must-read for all divorcing couples gearing up for a battle and for their friends, relative, and in-laws as well. She has created different narratives that will allow the reader to truly envision the potential benefits, consequences, and outcomes of the choices they plan to make. She writes with a generosity of spirit along with a strong desire to help families, backed up by years of experience in the field of child custody evaluations. This book is accessible and easy-to-read, and is written in a way that will truly help families put their children’s needs first. I cannot recommend it more highly.”
Deborah Le Meitour
“As a practicing attorney for more than 40 years, I’ve seen the impact of high-conflict divorces on children. You Don't Have to Crush Your Ex is an excellent tool for parents to use as they navigate the rough road of divorce. This book enables parents to take the high road while preserving the best interests of their children and protecting their emotional well-being throughout the process.”
Kristine Schwinof, MD
“As a medical professional, I have the privilege of sharing personal and heartfelt struggles with many of my patients. Exposure to high conflict and emotionally toxic home environments can perpetuate true physical disease and secondary health ramifications. Cleverly and unassumingly written, You Don’t Have To Crush Your Ex, helps parents to navigate complicated custody battles while alleviating unnecessary depression and anxiety derived from these stressful social dynamics. This book speaks to the true nature of my longtime friend and now author, Lori Bonnevier, in its energy and constructiveness. It comes as no surprise that she creatively formed a relatable approach to share her years of clinical experience in order to improve outcomes for families and fill the gap. Lori always speaks from her heart, is genuine in all that she does and is a true servant to her community. This ‘how to’ resource is sure to help enumerable families."
Tamara Ellis, PhD.
“Lori Bonnevier has taken a painful and thorny subject and created an easy way to understand the challenges and pitfalls related to the transition from nuclear family to bi-nuclear family. Perhaps the hardest part of this transition is the felt experience of feeling trapped or having no choices. By introducing us to Vanessa and Luke (and their children, Teo and Rae), we learn that there are MANY things we can make choices about that will positively impact us and our children for years to come. Education about these choices is an invaluable service for families dealing with the stress of change. In addition to many valuable insights about change and transformation, Lori provides helpful resources and tools to support people on this often-painful path. Her Triskelion format creates an engaging and informative book that makes difficult topics easy to understand. Her three pillars of Advancement, Wisdom, and Choice provide each reader with the opportunity to commit to a process that is both healthy and functional. Three cheers for Lori and her wealth of experience in helping people to heal and grow.”
Cynthia Grande, JD
“In the legal profession, I hear war stories all the time of divorce and child custody cases gone wrong and the chaos it creates for families that lasts for years. This book is a wonderful resource for parents who love their kids and want to make the best choices for their families even as they are going through a challenging separation."
Mark Harwood, MS, CADC
“This is an insightful and well-written book that is a must read for parents going through a contentious divorce with children. The book provides a framework to assist parents in navigating the complicated emotional process of divorce and how to focus on the emotional health and well-being of your children while doing so. I highly recommend this book.”
Bruce Prunk
“For 40 years, as both a police executive and a military officer in the USAF, I have seen the negative impact of high-conflict divorce situations and child custody battles on families, especially the children. This book will help parents in those situations make better choices and foster better outcomes for their children.”
RJ Gillespie, MD, MHPE
“Sometimes divorce is inevitable. Too often in my practice, I see parents who are otherwise well-intentioned drag their children into their war with their former spouse. The damage can last for years. You Don’t Have to Crush Your Ex provides valuable insight and wisdom into how to best protect your most valuable asset—your children—from irreparable and unintentional harm. This book should be required reading for any parents in my practice going through a divorce or separation!”
Lori Giesey
“Having to watch my grandchildren experience a high-conflict divorce, I have observed firsthand the effects this ordeal has had on these little ones. You Don’t Have to Crush your Ex has given me a roadmap I can clearly understand that offers insight and knowledge to help my son navigate this sometimes-treacherous path. Using the wisdom offered on these pages, I had the ability to help him maneuver around the pitfalls and obstacles that are inevitable, thereby creating an environment where the kids feel safe, loved, and encouraged. Thank you, Lori, for courageously writing this book and giving us all this much-needed resource. Your great love and concern for children flows across the pages and awakens our awareness of the effects our actions and reactions have on them.”
Alyssa Noelle Coelho
“Brilliantly delivered and comically written, Lori Bonnevier illustrates the ever-dynamic chaos of what has evolved from one of the most prevalent cultural pandemics of our time to an entirely new normal. The heart-wrenching accuracy and transparency with which she writes pierces to the truth at the core of divorce and its inevitable rippling effects on the lives of all involved. In addition to acting as a complete navigation guide, You Don’t Have to Crush Your Ex reveals the hope and opportunity to be found at every intersection of choice along what can often feel like a tragic journey through the unknown.”
Alex Tillson, MS
“This book is simply superb. Lori tells a real story with true-to-life detail, visceral emotion, and a much-needed drop of humor. As a domestic relations mediator, I wish everyone I work with would read this book and take to heart the lessons in it. Everyone involved in a divorce claims to be doing what they do for the sake of the kids, but this book shows parents how to actually do it and what happens when they don’t.”
Tracey Biebel, LCSW
“I have worked with families as a clinical social worker for over 20 years. Divorce happens. I tell my clients that divorce is not the worst thing that happens to children; ongoing conflict and being put in the position of having to choose between their parents is. Having a resource that is supportive, non-judgmental, and truly practical is invaluable. Lori has created a gem of a book that provides tools for parents to help them navigate this life event with the most grace and the least conflict possible, allowing their children to weather this storm feeling safe and loved. I can’t wait to offer this to my private practice clients as well as my Parent Coordination clients.”
Judith Swinney, JD
“Lori’s book empowers parents to be their best selves, and keep the focus on their kids. Her years of experience shine through. She makes it clear to parents, in a creative way, that their decisions will impact their children’s lives and futures. Encouraging, feels real-life, powerful. A reminder to Choose Wisely!”
Ciara Gutierrez
“As a stepmom who walked through this arduous journey of court battles and co-parenting, I can say with full transparency that Lori's book would have dramatically shifted my family's experience with child custody. Her tactful and professional approach is well-balanced with humor, truth, and the necessary need-to-knows. I so wish I had her book 10 years ago!”
What Readers Are Saying
Kathryn Smith Root, Family Law Attorney
“Lori’s book is a practical, hopeful, helpful read which encourages parents to put aside their anger, resentment, and disappointment and focus on the needs of their children. I encourage everyone to read and heed the positive message delivered by Ms. Bonnevier to parents everywhere – compassion, grace, kindness, and respect drive the best choices.”
Pat Bowman, MSW
“With her characteristic intelligence, compassion, and wit, Ms. Bonnevier has tackled the thorny issues surrounding child custody battles in a totally unique manner. This book should be a must-read for all divorcing couples gearing up for a battle and for their friends, relative, and in-laws as well. She has created different narratives that will allow the reader to truly envision the potential benefits, consequences, and outcomes of the choices they plan to make. She writes with a generosity of spirit along with a strong desire to help families, backed up by years of experience in the field of child custody evaluations. This book is accessible and easy-to-read, and is written in a way that will truly help families put their children’s needs first. I cannot recommend it more highly.”
Deborah Le Meitour
“As a practicing attorney for more than 40 years, I’ve seen the impact of high-conflict divorces on children. You Don't Have to Crush Your Ex is an excellent tool for parents to use as they navigate the rough road of divorce. This book enables parents to take the high road while preserving the best interests of their children and protecting their emotional well-being throughout the process.”
Kristine Schwinof, MD
“As a medical professional, I have the privilege of sharing personal and heartfelt struggles with many of my patients. Exposure to high conflict and emotionally toxic home environments can perpetuate true physical disease and secondary health ramifications. Cleverly and unassumingly written, You Don’t Have To Crush Your Ex, helps parents to navigate complicated custody battles while alleviating unnecessary depression and anxiety derived from these stressful social dynamics. This book speaks to the true nature of my longtime friend and now author, Lori Bonnevier, in its energy and constructiveness. It comes as no surprise that she creatively formed a relatable approach to share her years of clinical experience in order to improve outcomes for families and fill the gap. Lori always speaks from her heart, is genuine in all that she does and is a true servant to her community. This ‘how to’ resource is sure to help enumerable families."
Tamara Ellis, PhD.
“Lori Bonnevier has taken a painful and thorny subject and created an easy way to understand the challenges and pitfalls related to the transition from nuclear family to bi-nuclear family. Perhaps the hardest part of this transition is the felt experience of feeling trapped or having no choices. By introducing us to Vanessa and Luke (and their children, Teo and Rae), we learn that there are MANY things we can make choices about that will positively impact us and our children for years to come. Education about these choices is an invaluable service for families dealing with the stress of change. In addition to many valuable insights about change and transformation, Lori provides helpful resources and tools to support people on this often-painful path. Her Triskelion format creates an engaging and informative book that makes difficult topics easy to understand. Her three pillars of Advancement, Wisdom, and Choice provide each reader with the opportunity to commit to a process that is both healthy and functional. Three cheers for Lori and her wealth of experience in helping people to heal and grow.”
Cynthia Grande, JD
“In the legal profession, I hear war stories all the time of divorce and child custody cases gone wrong and the chaos it creates for families that lasts for years. This book is a wonderful resource for parents who love their kids and want to make the best choices for their families even as they are going through a challenging separation."
Wendy Bourg, Ph.D.
"You Don’t Have to Crush Your Ex is that rare gem – a relatable cautionary tale and guidebook all in one. The results for the children when their parents choose the wrong outcome (winning at all costs) are very real and lifelong, mimicking the outcomes we see for other forms of child abuse. This book encourages the reader in a thought experiment where they can do better and witness the outcomes that experts recommend unfold before their eyes in an equally compelling storyline. As soon as I read the manuscript, I began recommending that professional colleagues look for it as a resource; and once it is published, I will be sharing it with my own clients."
Mark Harwood, MS, CADC
“This is an insightful and well-written book that is a must read for parents going through a contentious divorce with children. The book provides a framework to assist parents in navigating the complicated emotional process of divorce and how to focus on the emotional health and well-being of your children while doing so. I highly recommend this book.”
Bruce Prunk
“For 40 years, as both a police executive and a military officer in the USAF, I have seen the negative impact of high-conflict divorce situations and child custody battles on families, especially the children. This book will help parents in those situations make better choices and foster better outcomes for their children.”
RJ Gillespie, MD, MHPE
“Sometimes divorce is inevitable. Too often in my practice, I see parents who are otherwise well-intentioned drag their children into their war with their former spouse. The damage can last for years. You Don’t Have to Crush Your Ex provides valuable insight and wisdom into how to best protect your most valuable asset—your children—from irreparable and unintentional harm. This book should be required reading for any parents in my practice going through a divorce or separation!”
Lori Giesey
“Having to watch my grandchildren experience a high-conflict divorce, I have observed firsthand the effects this ordeal has had on these little ones. You Don’t Have to Crush your Ex has given me a roadmap I can clearly understand that offers insight and knowledge to help my son navigate this sometimes-treacherous path. Using the wisdom offered on these pages, I had the ability to help him maneuver around the pitfalls and obstacles that are inevitable, thereby creating an environment where the kids feel safe, loved, and encouraged. Thank you, Lori, for courageously writing this book and giving us all this much-needed resource. Your great love and concern for children flows across the pages and awakens our awareness of the effects our actions and reactions have on them.”
Alyssa Noelle Coelho
“Brilliantly delivered and comically written, Lori Bonnevier illustrates the ever-dynamic chaos of what has evolved from one of the most prevalent cultural pandemics of our time to an entirely new normal. The heart-wrenching accuracy and transparency with which she writes pierces to the truth at the core of divorce and its inevitable rippling effects on the lives of all involved. In addition to acting as a complete navigation guide, You Don’t Have to Crush Your Ex reveals the hope and opportunity to be found at every intersection of choice along what can often feel like a tragic journey through the unknown.”
Alex Tillson, MS
“This book is simply superb. Lori tells a real story with true-to-life detail, visceral emotion, and a much-needed drop of humor. As a domestic relations mediator, I wish everyone I work with would read this book and take to heart the lessons in it. Everyone involved in a divorce claims to be doing what they do for the sake of the kids, but this book shows parents how to actually do it and what happens when they don’t.”
Tracey Biebel, LCSW
“I have worked with families as a clinical social worker for over 20 years. Divorce happens. I tell my clients that divorce is not the worst thing that happens to children; ongoing conflict and being put in the position of having to choose between their parents is. Having a resource that is supportive, non-judgmental, and truly practical is invaluable. Lori has created a gem of a book that provides tools for parents to help them navigate this life event with the most grace and the least conflict possible, allowing their children to weather this storm feeling safe and loved. I can’t wait to offer this to my private practice clients as well as my Parent Coordination clients.”
Judith Swinney, JD
“Lori’s book empowers parents to be their best selves, and keep the focus on their kids. Her years of experience shine through. She makes it clear to parents, in a creative way, that their decisions will impact their children’s lives and futures. Encouraging, feels real-life, powerful. A reminder to Choose Wisely!”
Ciara Gutierrez
“As a stepmom who walked through this arduous journey of court battles and co-parenting, I can say with full transparency that Lori's book would have dramatically shifted my family's experience with child custody. Her tactful and professional approach is well-balanced with humor, truth, and the necessary need-to-knows. I so wish I had her book 10 years ago!”